A Meditation for Personal Transformation

adapted by Storm Faerywolf
from discussion with Kalyn Smith-Tranquil’son and Joi Wolfwomyn

For Kalyn, whose presence will always be felt.

Close your eyes. Begin to allow your body to relax. Feel the darkness that exists around you. Feel the cool nothingness that surrounds you. Now, begin to see, off in the distance, a flashing blue light. You are drawn closer to it. Begin to see the dark void as taking form. Begin to see the earth separate from the skies, and begin to see your surroundings as a serene countryside. Off in the distance, you can still make out that flashing light. Flashing in a rhythm. You walk closer. As you get closer to your destination, you begin to hear a familiar sound: children laughing, singing and playing, and the continuous sound of a carousel. As you step into a clearing, you find yourself upon a traveling carnival. You can smell the cotton candy and the popcorn.
Just as you find yourself lulling to the sounds of the music, you hear someone calling out your name from your left. You turn to find an old woman, who is sitting in the doorway of a large building. She motions you to come over to her, and as you do, you are filled with a sense of familiarity. Do you know her? Have you met somewhere before? She takes your hand and rises, leading you into the large, dark, building that exists behind her. Almost before you can think to protest, she has led you into a dark hallway, the walls covered with mirrors. “These are for you,” she says, “Only they will free you.”

You are immediately drawn to them, their undulating surfaces mocking your awareness, causing perception and intent to fuse into a razors’ edge which carves into the dark recesses of desire and memory. You are transfixed.

You begin to explore the hallway when you come upon the first mirror. It is full length, as they all are, and there is just enough light to see your reflection clearly.

As you continue searching, you come upon the second mirror. “Nothing special.”, but then you realize that something is different. It must be the darkness, you think to yourself, but then there it is. In this mirror you can see your reflection, dressed in a formal floor length gown made entirely of blue satin. Your throat is adorned with a diamond necklace, and your clear, soft, face, is made up, lipstick and all! Are you happy? Shocked? Horrified? Excited? Ask yourself why…

You turn quickly from the mirror, only to be confronted by another. Noticing at first your feet, you see that your shoes have been transformed into sandals, you are wearing shorts, a T-shirt with a slogan (Does it say something about the president?), and a black vest with hundreds of buttons with various political messages on them. Peace, dude.

Once again you turn away, hoping now to be done with all of this, only, you find yet another mirror.

You find yourself dressed in torn denim, boots, and a black leather jacket. What is that on your nose? You see it’s a silver ring, pierced on the left side.
Turning again, you see before an image of yourself, dressed in the strangest attire. Black leather chaps, leather harness with silver studs, and a black leather cap, complete with chain.

Images of what you have witnessed begin to buzz through your mind. You can do nothing but move onward.

At the next mirror, you see the strangest sight yet! You don’t even possess the ability to formulate an opinion, for behold! The amalgamation of what has gone before! Black western leather boots, torn fishnet stockings, underneath ripped denim blue jeans, oversized black T-shirt, and an officers’ cap. On your right wrist is a band of black leather, and on your right, a diamond bracelet.

You turn to find the last mirror, and as you turn, it begins to glow with a fierce purple light. Within it you see something wondrous! Something that makes you want to sing out with joy! For within the mirror, you find the image of what you wish you could be. Now think about WHY you wish it to be that way. In doing so you realize the meaning to it all: Were these not images of you all along? Were these not the options you have had since the beginning of time? Are these not the choices that you will have in the future?

Suddenly, the mirror begins to vibrate, then shake violently. The light doesn’t seen to be contained by mirror any longer, it spills out into the hallway, dissolving it into nothingness. One by one, the other mirrors fall away, leaving only the void. Then there is silence. The darkness that exists around you is calming, and cooling, and is welcomed by you. You retain the happiness that you felt in the hallway. And then you become aware that you are in a room. You can hear other people in this room as they breathe, almost silently. And you are not alone. Open your eyes.